when i was a kid episode 01: the "Sly" incident

I had to got to this after school program in this run down day care center a block away from my school i couldn't have been more than sixyears old. power rangers where still cool this was before the pokemon craze hit and kids like me where still cool. so there i was strutting arround on the play ground with my power rangers lunch box sitting down on the bench, eatting my guinnes battered carrots, (my mom was an alcholic) thinking i was cool. when the coolest girl on the play ground Kendra sits down at the other end of the bench.

& i had just gotten over cooties so girls where officially cool. and she says "is that a power rangers lunch box" again i thought i was cool so i tried to act all sly and i slid across the bench you know to make it seem like i was a bad ass. but this bench was made in liek 1930 and was held teogether by two rusted metal posts, and the actuall bench was made of a pice of drift wood. so i got a splinter in my ass...

and it hurt...

alot...

but there i was sittingnext to kendra talking about by brand new...power rangers lunch box...feeling cool sadly enough so i had to keep my composure so we talked till we where out of food and then i had to walk away, because i needed help with the splinter in my ass. there was only one person i could go to. For you see it was the policy of this day care center to have a certain # of staff there at all times which was 1 for today and it was lisa. and againi had just gotten over cooties and lisa was hott!!!
So i nerverously walk over to her and tell her "I have a problem." so she is like
"Well donovan what kind of problem."
"humnmnhmhnt"
"What?"
"I ehan a dskp in sanf oasfi."
"I'm sorry one more time."
"I kind of have a splinter in my ass." and she just looks at me with just the greatest amount of wonder i have ever seen in another human being.
"Okay follow me." so we go into this back room that i had never seen before next to the cubby holes. You rember cubb holes right thoes timy little ply wood boxes where we would keep all of our shit. well this room shared a wall with that one. she gets a pair of tweezers from a first aid box faces me and tells me.

"Okay pull down your pants."
"what why?!"
"so i can get the splinter out."
"uhhhh ok" so ther i was naked bafor the hottest girl i know as she is armed with tweezers about to pull a large piece of wood out of my ass. and when it was all over she kissed me on the cheek.



I call that a win.